You recently completed our survey on FEAR.
Just wanted to let you know we examined all the responses and our findings were absolutely fascinating.
We found almost all writers suffer from FEAR. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of making a mistake. It's not an isolated condition. So if you think you were alone in your dank musty hole, relax. You are in good company comprising the majority of freelance writers.
We want to let you in on a little secret. WRIGHT WRITE RIGHT was founded by a single, incredibly successful freelance writer named Edgar Wright. So successful, in fact, that shortly after beginning his career his personal wealth became such that he could farm out his cornucopia of high-paying, super-lucrative assignments to a dedicated corps of sub-servants and retire from normal life.
Since his ascension into the 11th dimension in 2006, we've spent untold man-hours going over Wright's prodigious private journals.
Often these journals appear to be code, only later found to be written in a nonsense language of Wright's own design. But many others end up actually being in code. And after decoding, a few were revealed to be English. And one of the most valuable insights Wright left in these English passages was information on his own state of mind.
And what we want to tell you is Wright was TERRIFIED. The only rare moments when his mind was at ease was during the blackest, drug-induced sleep. Wright was afraid of many things real and unreal. Some unreal things, like alien mental manipulation from the 11th dimension, were thought to be unreal and only later proven to be real by subsequent events. But a smaller subset of fears were recognizes as real from the start.
It is these more mundane FEARS we would like to share with you.
1) FEAR of rejection: This is a real fear. Wright was never actually rejected for an assignment, but he had contemporary associates who were. These people never fully recovered, and the rejection haunted them for the rest of their lives. Wright detailed the extensive web of publishing and editing contacts who regularly met together in shadowy backrooms. Being rejected by even one of these figures was typically communicated throughout the network, blackballing writers for life from some of the most lucrative freelance writing assignments available.
2) FEAR of failure: Wright was born with the skills he needed to write effective, hard-hitting freelance copy. He never worked underneath the authority of another human being. Other writers he saw in the business sometimes worked for others on a full-time basis: copywriters, marketers, and bloggers. All of these people found their essence diluted irrecoverably. The action of learning and growing destroyed their ability to write, which was also passed down to them at birth by genetics. The few writers who survived this plague were the ones who focused, instead of inferior employment, on self-help courses and motivational seminars. But more on that in a minute.
3) FEAR of making a mistake: The tragedy of freelance writing is that, by the time you make a mistake it's usually too late. If you have one black mark on your record, there are usually thousands of writers behind you who can do the job perfectly. Why would any agent accept your work when it carries even the slightest chance of containing inaccuracies? Wright escaped this pitfall by never making a mistake, in fact he was fastidious in avoiding all mistakes before he made them. And the ones he did make, he was able to show through extensive research how the fault actually lay in others. This method has been successfully used by may other famous people, such as wealthy hotel entrepreneur and reality star Donald Trump.
How Do We Escape These FEARS?
The scariest part about facing your FEAR is this: you only get to do it once. The human mind contains only so much willpower and mental sanity. These characteristics can be meaningfully described as a health bar, and once this bar is depleted the writer becomes a zombie. Unable to write, or participate in any other activity requiring agency. So you should avoid facing FEAR until you have all the necessary skills and equipment at the ready. Then you summon it, defeat it, destroy it, then live the rest of your life free from real fears (but still plagued by imaginary FEARS, which is the topic of another seminar).
Luckily WRIGHT WRITE RIGHT can help you, In fact we're the only ones.
Through our mind-enhancing seminars, we can find your inner FEAR-fighting spirit and bring it to the forefront. Under our instruction, you will never be REJECTED. No one would dare. You will never FAIL. No obstacle can stand before your implacable advance. You will not make MISTAKES. These are for other mortals.
Wondering how you can attend one of our seminars? Do NOTHING. As thanks for completing our survey, we have automatically enrolled you in our mailing list. Your invitations will be coming shortly. And not just for one seminar, but hundreds of them.
We know you now. We know all your fears, even the ones you shared under ESSAY QUESTION #43.
You are weak and timid. But we can help. It will be a long process. And require many seminars. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will get to the end of the tunnel. And at the end of the tunnel will be a light. And the light will be FREELANCE WRITING SUCCESS.
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