1) As warm as a pack of gum stuck between the black leather seats of a BMW in a the parking lot of Herberger’s.
2) As warm as buttercream cake icing in the belly of an Alaskan Malamute.
3) As warm as a wayward armadillo on launch day at Kennedy Space Center.
4) As warm as a crocodile on the Nile.
5) As warm as salt on french fries.
6) As warm as mashed potatoes first in line for turkey gravy on American Thanksgiving Day.
7) As warm as Darkman’s face after 99 minutes has elapsed.
8) As warm as Sasquatch after his morning jog.
9) As warm as a bee in a hive full of other bees.
10) As warm as a jar full of buttons on the shelf next to the furnace at Grandma’s house.
11) As warm as the carpet during Be A Train Day at the Montessori Academy.
12) Warm as faulty wiring in a condemned house.
13) Warm as a shrunken sweater that was mishandled in the laundry.
14) Warm as a pizza you pick up instead of having delivered.
15) Warm as TOAST!
