After decades of fluctuation in mortgage rates, a plateau is finally arriving to bring order to the unending financial chaos.
Bottoming out at around -2%, interest rates should hover at this existing rate for at least 15-30 seconds before climbing again to the 26% rate you probably agreed to when you put the charges for your new home stereo on that Circuit City store credit card in 1997.
Predictions so far have checked out, just ask our dedicated team of vacillating heads. Did any of these people give their permission for their likeness to be used? Far from it. But what we didn’t pay them, we can pass on into points slashed right off the top for your next terrible home mortgage.
Have you ever wanted to owe money to a faceless corporation? Chances are if you have a house right now you already do. We don’t have a face either. But instead of fattening our bottom line, we pass the no-face savings into your pocketbook. Which we can also have direct control of, thanks to our value-priced account bundling services.
Just visit our website, push the big red YES button, and your journey to financial adventure sets sail. Just whatever you do, don’t try to interact with any of your accounts once you get them started. We don’t let you change your accounts, make payments or ask any questions at all. Don’t say we didn’t warn you, because this blog post is a legally binding document and your retinas have both been thoroughly scanned if you’ve made it down this far.
Your continued silence is your affirmative confirmation! Thank you for your business!
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